Help Papa! You’re this garlic’s only hope!

Look, let me start off by saying that Hugel (short for hügelkultur—a complex German word that Siri hates) knows abuse in its five years. Last year’s tomatoes produced as much as my neglect could allow. I told myself last October (okay, early November) that the sixteen cloves of garlic would give me a great start. Of course, I neglected it completely, right up until June 19th, when I stood in the yard cutting scapes with one eye on the clock because I had a flight to catch. I made a conscious call not to pull the nettles — I wanted to see what they’d do, maybe forage them eventually.

Anyway, after a 24 day vacation, I’m not sure what I expected coming back. How would me garlic fare, sir?

Approaching the gate I did not expect the nettles I’d “eventually harvest” to grow nine feet tall in three and a half weeks. Standing at the gate, all I could think was: did I fuck this up? Again?

Look at those stinging nettles! They’re like “I didn’t know they grew that fucking tall” tall.

So, I’m no idiot, I know the Stinging Nettles gotta go, and a quick Gemini check tells me I don’t have to worry, it’s a good thing they’re there because it means Hugel is doing better than I thought. Sure. I’ll go with that. All I’d have to do to rescue that garlic? Just clear six inches around them.

“Just clear around the garlic?” Hey buddy, can you find it? No sweat right? It’s somewhere in this epic clusterfuck!

Okay—I had already pulled a garlic bulb a couple days ago, out of curiosity, before I’d even started this whole rescue operation. Now I know the garlic is doing alright in Hugel. But where was it?

My first garlic—small, a little rounder than expected. I was so excited that I washed
the dirt off, and trimmed the roots.

No big deal cleaning out the “Ortiche.” (That’s the Italian word for Stinging Nettles and I’m using it so I can pretend like I’m growing them on purpose.) The good news? Now it was easier to see where that garlic was, they’re almost ready, and if we can save them from being choked out

There’s garlic falling over in there so we’re on the right track.

No-grow zone dealt with, less clusterfuck. All I had to do was mercilessly clear around each garlic plant. Oh, and keep some of the good Ortiche so they’ll regrow around Hugel.

I’m not going to keep the Ortiche that grows along the old wood fence. I need to walk around Hugel.

While removing the rejected Ortiche, I started thinking of how I learned that family back in Italy pay good money for it, but here I’m getting them for free. Also wild physalis trying its best to overtake everything. I’ve wondered how can I take advantage of both for free food. I had to come up with a plan.

The plan. Yellow and red = no grow, blue is for Ortiche. I’ll figure out Hugel later.

Seeing it’s a well-intentioned plan—it’s one-hundred percent “we’ll see.” NGL the progress at this point was enough motivation to tackle the next issue: That garlic needs six inches of cleared area.

Give that garlic the six inches it so desperately needs!

With the garlic’s competition weeded out (ahem), I left a couple physalis bushes, and Ortiche stumps. I don’t want to squander free produce, and Gemini has a couple ideas for how to best manage them.

Bonus! Garlic + Free berries and greens!

I like to get down to the ground level and give my growing area a good look. I read that we give that garlic six inches clearance so they dry in the heat. Apparently this will harden the bulbs.

I repeat: Some of them are falling over, which is supposed to be a good sign. 

I fucked up cutting the scapes—pre-airport haste— and let four go to flower. Apparently they make a pretty flower, and can attract some good pollinators. It’s fascinating to see the bulb sway in the wind. Shouldn’t be too hard to capture on my iPhone.

No! The BULB! FOCUS ON THE BULB!

I tried to get in a close-up so you’d see the flower bulb is starting to split. The wind was not cooperating, and this is the best shot.

Yeah! Maybe if I hold it…COME ON!

It’s hard to get a decent focus on the flower for this picture, and this was the closest I could get. You can see the tiny little bulbils, even if they are a little out of focus.

The best focus I can get. Those little structures inside this flower are called bulbils

These pictures are beautiful enough that I had to send them to Gemini for a deep dive. Now I want to use these bulbils to make even more garlic. I just have to figure out how.

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